Madi & I waiting for the train

Ever since Madison and I started talking every single day, we have been waiting for the day that we could hang out again! One day we were talking and I just decided right then and there that I was coming to Utah to see her, so I bought a plane ticket.  We counted down the days for over a month and on May 12th the day finally arrived! With my bags packed, Kobee dropped me off at the airport and I flew to Salt Lake to come see Madison.  Although I was sad to say good-bye to Kobee, I was excited to come to Salt Lake!

I landed around 4:00 p.m. on that Thursday afternoon and Madison met me at the airport. I figured she would just pick me up outside, but to my surprise she was standing in the airport waiting for me :]  I was so happy to see her! We hugged for a long time, making the appropriate squealing noises, then just caught up and waited for my bags.  We then drove back to her house where we sat and talked, exchanged birthday gifts and ate dinner.  Her mom is a g r e a t cook so I was excited to dig into a homemade meal that I didn't have to prepare!


After dinner we ran to the store to rent a movie from the Redbox and get some Heaven on Earth, (aka Half Baked Ben & Jerry's ice cream).  When we got back to her house we got in our PJ's, gave each other facials and pedicures, and enjoyed our ice cream while we watched Unstoppable.  Nothing like a little Denzel Washington right before bed. :]


The next morning we got ready and headed to Layton Station to catch the Front Runner to Salt Lake City. For those of you that don't know, Unstoppable is about a run-away train, so it was pretty funny that we were getting on one after watching that movie the night before. 

When we got to the city we jumped on the other train, UTA Trax, and went to The Gateway Mall to do a little shopping. Madison got a bowl (it's a real treasure) from Anthropology, and we both got a "Wreck This Journal" from Urban Outfitters.  

It is a journal that basically gives you instructions on how to ruin it. Haha.  We ate lunch at Applebee's and then took Trax up to Temple Square.

Yummy :]

I was so excited to go see the Temple and just spend some time
at the Visitors Centers there. Everything was so beautiful :] it truly was a perfect day.  It was warm and there wasn't a cloud in the sky as we walked around the gorgeous grounds surrounding the temple.  

There were flowers in every direction and the trees and grass were so perfectly green.  I was mesmerized. While we were there we saw:

The Temple of course :]

The Famous Tabernacle and its organ...

The Conference Center

The Christus

At 4:30 we went and watched the new version of the Joseph Smith: Prophet of the Restoration movie.  They changed it so that people who aren't members of the church can better understand the story.  The old version assumed that whoever was watching already had a lot of knowledge about church history.  As always, the movie was amazing. I can't imagine the scorn that came Joseph's way as he proclaimed that he had seen a vision, and I gained a deep gratitude for the early Saints and their strength.  They were badly persecuted, but they continued to build up the Church and many of them sacrificed almost all they had and moved West when the time came.  The story of the Church is such a testament to me that God is watching over us all and helping us to do the things that need to be done on this Earth.  With out His help I know that the Church never would have lasted.


After the movie Madison and I walked over to Deseret Book to meet my mom who was in town for a doctor's appointment.  She was going to Pleasant Grove to my aunt's and that is where we wanted to go so she came and picked us up.  Lucky me, she bought me new scriptures while we were there too :) yay!

That's right ;)

We got to my aunt's house and hung out for a little bit, but then left to go to a concert. Oh yeah, funny story: so Madison (my best friend) is now dating my cousin Jaxon.  That is why we were going down there really, so that they could hang out:] so a huge group of us went to a concert/block party at Provo Town Square.  It was really fun. A few bands played (including J.Wride and Vibrant Sound), and Sammy's provided free hot dogs for everyone. We had a blast and got to dance a lot.

After the concert we went to In-N-Out to grab some food, and then we went to Ricky's house, one of Jaxon's friends that we were with.  He plays the guitar and sings, so we just sat and listened to him for a while, I ended up singing with him a little bit too.  It was really fun.  He is really talented.

Once Ricky ran out of songs to sing us, at about midnight, we headed back to Jaxon's and c r a s h e d after our long day! It was fun but totally exhausting. I was so happy to get to see my family and spend some good quality time with Madison! Oh how I missed that lady!! :]

That very first weekend after I decided to go back to church (end of February--ish), I was feeling discouraged and alone. Although it was a fleeting thought, I was tempted to give up some days. One day a very wise woman (Madison), told me that I should go to the temple and just sit right inside the doors to read my scriptures.

I decided that this was a good idea, so I drove up to the temple in Reno and took some pictures before I went inside.


Here are the pictures I took:

Once inside, I felt peaceful and calm as I began to read in 2 Nephi.  In chapter 2 I got to verse 24 and was deeply touched as I read these words: "But behold, all things have been done in the wisdom of him who knoweth all things." I was once again reassured that my Heavenly Father knew me, and loved me. His plan is a perfect one.

"You are never lost when you can see the temple. The temple will provide direction for you and your family in a world filled with chaos. It is an eternal guidepost which will help you from getting lost in the 'mist of darkness.'" - Gary E. Stevenson

Going up to the temple helped me to remember what matters most, and I gained the strength that I needed to continue on the path that I had chosen, despite how hard it seemed.

As I started this Spring semester at the University of Nevada I found everyday a struggle.  I had recently been kicked out of my apartment by two of my closest "friends," my boyfriend broke up with me, and everything that I had relied on to make me happy was ripped out from under me.  I found myself in a new apartment with pretty much a complete stranger, hundreds of miles from home, and for the first time in my life I felt homesick.

The days seemed to drag on and on.  I would randomly burst into tears about every ten minutes, I was sad, and lonely and I tried everything (very recklessly) to try and make myself feel better, but nothing worked.

I had never experienced this kind of sadness before.  I have always been a really happy person and never had a problem picking myself up, but this time, I just couldn't.  I couldn't eat because my throat felt so tight that every time I tried to swallow I felt like I would throw up.  I had a constant, wrenching pain in my stomach; it felt as if I had a hole there that throbbed with a constant aching pain all the time.  The only thing that made this pain go away was running, but since I couldn't eat, that wasn't very effective.  I felt dizzy all the time, and I was scared. 

After a couple weeks of this, in early February, I was really nervous. I called my mom and asked her to please come and see me that weekend, thinking that this would definitely make me feel better.  Although her presence and loving arms helped a little, I still didn't feel okay.  When she left, everything went back to exactly how it was before, and I was miserable.

As everyone knows, when you break up with someone it is never a clean break, so for the first part of February my relationship went back and forth.  I was torn apart by this roller-coaster ride of emotional ups & downs, never knowing who to trust, not even trusting myself.  On February 19th my boyfriend broke up with me for the fourth time in one month--maybe that is my fault, but I was once again devastated.  I was so hurt, and I felt rejected and alone.

I started wondering why I was even alive, I knew I was in school and I was getting good grades but I wondered what the point of any of it was. I felt like I was living in a whirlwind, nothing made sense, and everything felt completely out of control. My thoughts started to scare me... and so I offered up a simple prayer.  I asked my Heavenly Father to please, please take this feeling away from me.  To please allow me to let go of my ex-boyfriend, to strengthen me, and to comfort me.  Every time I prayed I kept seeing the same thing in the back of my head.  It was the Institute of Religion building on campus.  I had driven by it and knew where it was, I think I even walked through there on a bad day when I first got to school, but I had never spent much time there.  Every time I would pray I would get really angry that the feelings of sadness I was having would not go away, and that I kept seeing that s t u p i d building in my head! I would basically say to myself, "alright give me something else because I am not going there...I refuse."

The Picture of Christ

After a couple days of this--praying and getting the same answer--I decided to go.  It was a Wednesday morning and I was sitting in my Core Humanities class with tears streaming down my face.  I was counting the minutes down until my class was over and immediately I got out of my chair and headed for the institute building. It seemed that I couldn't get there fast enough, and as I opened the doors and stepped inside I knew why. I turned to my left, and there a giant picture of Christ hung on the wall above the couch in the foyer. Immediately that hopeless, sick, tormented feeling inside me just disappeared.  I was left with a peace inside of my heart and a sure knowledge that everything would be okay.

To me, this was a bigger miracle than the parting of the Red Sea. I had tried tirelessly to lift myself up, to try and tell myself that everything would be okay, to comfort myself, and nothing worked.  There was a power beyond my own that came into my heart and reassured me that everything would be okay, that everything was just as it should be, and that comforted me.  I know that this comfort came from the Holy Ghost. I know that only he can offer that kind of peacefulness and calm to my soul, and at that moment I knew that everything I had been told my whole life about my Heavenly Father and His plan for us was true.

Then and there I decided that I would do anything to keep that peace in my heart.  No sacrifice became too great, nothing else seemed more appealing than that simple peace I had received. I sat in the institute building for hours, no one knew me (and I am pretty sure they thought I was some psycho). I sat there as the tears kept pouring down my cheeks, but I didn't care. I was so grateful that I could not stop crying, and I didn't want to leave because I didn't want to lose that peace.  I ended up going to a class that day, and as we sang the opening hymn I couldn't utter one word without bursting into tears yet again.  I don't remember what hymn it was, but I do remember it saying something about coming unto the Savior.

As I pondered the meaning of the words that were being sung, I started wondering if Christ was feeling as rejected by me as I was by my ex-boyfriend.  Just as I was so willing to just be with him and love him, Christ has always been there, willing to forgive me of all my sins, to save me from my sorrows, and to let me feel of his unconditional, everlasting love for me. This thought made my heart hurt as I thought of all the times that I had let Him down, of all the people that I had hurt, of all the pain that my choices had brought to myself, and of the suffering that He had to bear for all of those moments when I was hurting.  All my pain and heartbreak--He felt it, and it would not have ever existed if I had just simply followed God's plan for me.

Later that day I went home and called my mom.  I cried as I told her how much I missed my ex-boyfriend, of how I didn't know what I was going to do without him...she only said to me, "Keisha, you just need to get your priorities straight.  We had a lesson in family home evening about priorities on Monday and your first priority should always be to, 'First, seek ye the Kingdom of God.'"  We had many conversations like this one, every time I complained about anything she would pretty much say something like this to me, so I threw some smart remark back at her and told her how I had gone to institute that day.  She was a little impressed but she didn't let it get her hopes up since she had been struggling for two years to try and get me to do the right thing.  She only said, "Remember Keisha, 'Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct they paths.' - Proverbs 3:5-6"  

I was still upset, but I posted this verse as my status on Facebook. Right after I posted it Madison "liked" it...and then I suddenly remembered that for some reason I had been thinking about Madison a lot the past couple of weeks.  It was strange because I hadn't seen her in two years, and we hadn't really kept in touch, even over Facebook.  All of the sudden I had a very strong prompting that I needed to talk to her, so I messaged her my number and asked her to call me.

Not even five minutes later my phone started ringing and I knew that Madison was on the other line.  I just remember her saying, "what's up babe?" and I immediately burst into tears.  I preceded to tell her the details about my recently ended relationship and, and she told me of her own four year relationship and she had to let go of in order to do what she knew was right. We talked for hours and hours, and I told her all about that day and how I had felt. At the end of our conversation she basically said, "so what are you going to do about it?"

It was then that I decided I would call my bishop, I would make things right, and I would find my way back to the person I knew that I was. The very next day I talked to my bishop before I could talk myself out of it, and I started to change my direction. The entire life that I had built since I went to Reno had to change.  I thought that it would be impossible, I didn't know anyone that went to church, I had to give up so much, and I didn't know if I could do it. I know now, without a doubt, that the Lord has provided ways for us to do the things that we need to do in order to be closer to him and do his work. Everything that happened to me helped to humble me so that I was in a place where I would seek Him.  People that have come into my life and become a big part of it, particularly Madison, have been placed in my life for a very specific purpose.

My once "stranger" of a roommate became a good friend and she supported me in my decision to change my life.  I know that if I had been living where I was before I would not have been in an environment where my change would have been accepted or supported.

The last three months have been hard, but I am happier than I have been since I can remember.  I have found a new friend in Madison and because our friendship has been built upon the gospel, I can feel how much that strengthens it.  I am learning that everything needs to be built upon the gospel if you want it to last.

I was raised with a great and empowering knowledge that I am a child of God who loves me, and I forgot that.  I forgot that "I am of infinite worth with my own divine mission which I will strive to fulfill." My actions were not coherent with what I knew to be true about life, about God's plan, and about myself. I know that God watches over us and directs our paths.  I know that if it were not for Him I would probably not be here right now, and I now know that His plan is the only one that can bring true and lasting peace and happiness.

I am excited to continually serve Him; to "take upon me the name of [His] son," and be a disciple of Jesus Christ.  I am far from perfect. I have a lot left to do in this life, but I have a strong desire to follow Him.  I know that Christ lives, I know that he loves us.   I know that he died for the sins of the world that all may be saved if they believe on His name and are baptized. I know that everything happens for a reason. I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for each of his children and that if we follow his plan we will be happy.

OKAY! So, here it goes... :]

I have never attempted blogging before, so feel fortunate that you get to experience my first ever attempt. Lucky you. ;]

A Younger Me :]

Quick Facts: I love all food. I like to sleep. A lot. I love sports, especially basketball & football.  My favorite professional teams are: The Redskins, The Jazz, and The Phillies. I would much rather watch college sports than professional sports. I go to Nevada; GO PACK! ♥ I love yoga. I am 20 years old. I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.  My testimony is my most precious possession. I believe in love. I dream big & work hard. I believe that a smile is the most beautiful thing you can wear. I love to laugh. I love taking pictures. I am a daughter, a sister, and a friend. I find joy in simple things. I am not hard to please. I believe that we are all here to help each other, and that is what I strive to do everyday.

From this first entry I would just like you to get the most basic idea of who I am from my own perspective. From here on out I will simply let you decide for yourself from the experiences that I share with you.

My Parents (Darin & Lelsy) - Thanksgiving '10

First thing you should know: my life is a fairy-tale.  Now some of you may be thinking, "that is a pretty bold statement," but it is true! :]  My parents met by the chanciest of chances and have been married for almost 25 years.  My mother is from Colombia, South America, and my dad--well, he is from Idaho. Both of their paths to each other were a series of very specific circumstances. If a number of different choices in either of their lives would have been made, they never would have met each other.  It really is a miracle that they did. There are now five kids in my family; Megan (21), Me (20), Nychea (16), Samuel (11), and Odessa (8). We all have been blessed by my parents choices and their love. They are both so amazing and strong. They are my best friends and my heroes.

Odessa & Samuel

Me on my horse JoJo Starflash & Nychea - Summer '10
(home from school for a visit)

I was born in Provo, Utah, but I grew up in Montpelier, Idaho.  I l o v e d living there and was absolutely devastated when I found out we were moving when I was in the fifth grade.  I was even more horrified when I found out that we were moving to literally the middle of NOWHERE.  I was 11 when we moved to a ranch about 20 miles outside of Lund, Nevada. Moving into a town of about 400 people was not easy, especially when most everyone who lived there had lived there for their entire lives. As I struggled to make friends in a class of about 15 people, I found myself feeling like my life was no longer the fairy-tale that I had once believed.  I started doubting myself, doubting my worth, doubting, doubting, doubting...

As I grew up and my family continued to live in Lund, I continued to struggle.  The place itself grew on me. I found myself liking the opportunities that I had living in such a small place. With the amazing unwavering support of my parents, I was able to participate in whatever I wanted; every sport that was offered, student council, 4-H, FFA, school plays, etc. I fell in love with the wide open spaces, the fresh air, the absolutely amazing stars, the smell of the desert rain, the ranch, the beautiful mountains, and a lot of the people. However, I longed for my childhood home.  I missed my old friends, I missed my old neighborhood, my old school, my old house, my old ranch, Bear Lake, and the 4th of July in Paris.

Over the years I adjusted, and I overcame the move.  My older sister Megan and I became closer than we ever would have if we had not been in a place where we had to be each other's best friends, and I grew stronger than I thought was possible.  The biggest trial in my life at the time ended up being one of the best things that ever happened to me, and through the struggle I had in Lund, I have learned to embrace my trials a little more gracefully (I still struggle with this, let's not be fooled).

Megan & Madison

High school had it's ups and downs and I was a very sad girl when my sister graduated in 2007 (my sophomore year) and moved away. I pulled through and graduated in 2009, finally! With some great memories, a 4.0, a little experience, and a lot of courage I moved away from home. I moved to Ogden, Utah to finally be reunited with my sister! A very important person then entered my life; Madison Maxfield was my sisters roommate at BYU-Idaho the previous year and they had since moved to Ogden and lived together.  I knew Madison via Megan for the two years before I lived with them through various visits and get-togethers, but I was excited to be on my own and living with them both.

Megan & I at a Nevada football game in the Fall of '09

That summer was a blast, and it ended with Megan and I both moving to Reno, NV to go to school.  We both had scholarships there and I was so excited to move yet again to a new place, especially with my sister!  My first year of college was crazy to say the very least. Everything was different, including me. I had fun, and I did well in school, but I was not myself.  Looking back I see that somewhere along the way, I lost my belief that my life is indeed a fairy-tale. I lost the faith that I had in myself.  I lost my faith period.


As I tried my second year of college to make myself happy, I found myself in one-sided friendships, in heart-breaking relationships, and in compromising situations.  I was searching in all the wrong places for a happiness that was only fleeting because it was not based on anything of worth. I did meet some amazing friends, and I made a lot of great memories, but when I was alone and forced to ponder my life and where it was going I realized that I wasn't at peace with my decisions.  There is a difference between being happy, and being at peace.  All of these realizations have lead me to now....


And now....


I am happier and more sure of myself than I have been in the last 4-5 years.  This lasting happiness and assurance has come from the best decision that I ever made. It was a decision to truly look inside of myself and ask myself what I wanted out of this life; to truly be honest with myself and ask myself where the choices that I was making in my life were leading me.


Growing up my parents raised me in the Church, they made sure that I knew the teachings, and they gave me great examples to follow.  As I got older I thought that the rules were restricting, that the guidelines given to me to follow were preventing me from being happy, and that it was all just really pointless. So I did whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted.  I never thought about the consequences, only about right now, and I thought I was happy.


I think that my true conversion story to the Gospel of Jesus Christ deserves it's own entry, so I will leave this one with one final thought:  I know that everything happens for a reason. My next entry will illustrate this.