I think that’s the title of a really bad movie about Reno that I have never seen because I heard it was really, terribly awful...

Anyway.

I woke up in Reno on August 22, 2011. And since then, well: I’ve scrubbed down my apartment (I’m talking really deep cleaning, you guys); unpacked; finished all my laundry; washed, vacuumed, and ArmorAll-ed my car; successfully registered for classes last minute—again; stocked my fridge; spent a lot of time with Jen; celebrated Cambria’s birthday; gone to several church activities; met a new best-friend-to-be (JoyceAnn); and successfully made an address change with the missionary so that I have received “letters on letters” this week.

Mostly though, I have been thinking a lot. Because I’m pretty much completely different from how I was when left Reno. So coming back is tricky. I’ve learned in one short week that you can’t let go & still hold on. Even a little. I’ve learned that you can’t walk the edge for very long unless you really wanna fall. And I’ve learned that sometimes the past is only the past if you leave it there.

Only sometimes it isn’t your choice. And sometimes your past comes back and bites you. Sometimes it stops you from taking a course in your life that you really wanted to take—like maybe going on a mission. And the answer is, “no.” That’s when your past is fresh in your mind. And your guilt is hammered into your heart once again. And the tears fall freely down your cheeks. And you remember again how truly sorry you are. And how bad you wish you could take it all back, but you can’t. And you wish you could call that missionary, but you can’t. And you wish you could just start over, but you can’t. 


The only thing you can do is stand up, wipe your eyes, turn around, and walk. And keep walking. And maybe even run. You can leave that past far, far, far away from your present. You can keep growing. You can keep moving forward. You can pray. You can read that amazing book. You can be a missionary here. But really, the only thing you can do is just try to be better than your past.

"He gave me my eyes that I may see the color of butterfly wings..."

8.21.11

Oh I know those words well... one of my favorite primary songs, "My Heavenly Father Loves Me," wrapped up my summer in Lund. Lucky me, I got to sing it as a solo in church on my last day at home. I was so nervous. But that day was great--everything about it. The smiling faces at church, that amazing lesson on sacrifice, the wispy clouds in the bright blue sky, that giant field of sun flowers, and yes, the color of butterfly wings.

I was sad to leave. Like really sad. Nychea made me cry at the door dang it. And I drove that six hours by myself back to Reno. I left behind the wide open spaces, the amazing Sunday dinners, my mom being at an arms length away, a job I really loved, and that security you always feel when you're at home.


I'm going to miss my family a lot. I used to want to be so far away, but now all I want is to be closer. I am so grateful, though, that I got to be home this summer. I needed that so much. I loved every minute of it--even chasing the piglets when they got out. Those little oinkers.


Some positives about a six hour drive alone:

-you can stop and take pictures and no one complains.

-you get to play your music as loud as you want and sing as loud as you want, too.

-you notice how beautiful--oh I don't know--EVERYTHING, is.

-you can think a lot.

-yeah, I'm fresh out of positives at this point.

So I'm back! 

while we were in the salt lake area for eleshia's wedding, my family spent the morning of 8.13.11 at this is the place monument in salt lake city. for those of you who don't know, this is a monument dedicated to the pioneers who came west with brigham young. when they came up over the mountains and saw the salt lake valley brigham young said, "this is the place." and it was here that they settled, finally free from religious persecution. 


my dad is basically a genius and gave us all the history we could ever want as we spent the day walking around hearing different stories of the families who settled the wasatch valley. my great-great-great-grandfather's house was there in the heritage village.

we had a fun day of learning about our pioneer heritage and making crafts. the best part about hearing of other people's hardships is it kinda makes you forget your own. that, or realize that yours weren't so bad in the first place. those great people endured so much. i'm so glad that there is a beautiful monument dedicated to their sacrifices. it was so awesome to be able to spend some time with the whole family together, too.

friday morning [8.12.11] i woke up and my megan sister was there (she arrived at the ranch the night before from reno). i love her so much. i missed her a lot. it was a weird summer without her.

anyway, so we packed up my car and my parents packed up theirs and we hit the road to utah. we were going to salt lake to maybe go to the zoo before nychea, megan, and i went to my cousin eleshia'sbachelorette party at sapa. we definitely did not make it to the zoo. construction delays, poddy breaks, and food stops made sure that it took us like five whole hours to get there. so instead we went and snatched madison from the salon and hung out at the mall.

the four of us hadn't been together for about two years, so it was a fun reunion. lots of laughing and inside jokes. i have the most fun with these girls. madison & megan bring out the best in each other. seriously they are hilarious. so we went to the bachelorette party. eleshia was beautiful & the food was fantastic.

after dinner we weren't done having fun so we went out to see crazy, stupid, love. it was really great. it was everything: funny, cute, ryan gosling...need i say more?

the next day my family had some fun at this is the place monument, and then that night: the wedding. i definitely cried when eleshia started to walk down the aisle. she looked so beautiful. at 19 i can't believe she is the first one to be married of all the grandkids! but i am so happy for her :)

then there was the reception. then there was chili's with my uncle lyndon's family. then there was a much needed visit with the burke family--and how nice, they let us (megan, me, and nychea) sleep over to minimize our driving time. then there was a beautiful talk by lexady in sacrament on sunday. then there was the long drive home.

one of the best things about the wedding: i got to see people that i love more than anything in the world. family is so important. and i got to spend time with madison before she left for texas! oh texas....

here's some pictures from the wedding :) what a day...