“if love is a labor i’ll slave ‘til the end…” – rise against

on friday [9.2.11] megan and i kicked off our labor day weekend with a little bootcamp action. it’s this fun thing we’ve been doing together that is also known as: we go to the gym for an hour and a trainer pushes us and about 10-15 other poor souls to the point of almost throwing up. we love it. but also hate it at the same time, you know?

and megan is way stronger than me because she has been doing it for way longer, but then i see this little tid-bit on the wall at the gym:

so then how can i complain, right?

running on the indoor track with her during our workout sure takes me back to my years of running high school track with her by my side. we broke the state record in the 4x800m relay my freshman, her junior year. man, those were the days. she always had my back, even though we were competing. we pushed each other a lot, and that sibling rivalry drove us to work harder in practice everyday. good times.

after bootcamp we had a long over-due sister date. since i’ve been back we haven’t been able to spend a ton of time together, but we got some dinner at buffalo wild wings & then went and watched the help. best movie i have seen in a long, long time. i can’t say enough great things about it. seriously, so good. and megan so lovingly paid for me since i am so poor. gosh i love sisters, i am one lucky girl.

but it’ not always easy, loving someone. because when you do, you have to make all kinds of sacrifices for them. like borrowing your one sister’s car to drive to your other sister’s soccer game that is an hour away because your car needs new tires. then the car has no air conditioning and black leather interior and it’s 100 degrees outside. so then you are all sweating & all hot & all not sexy like. and your shirt is all wet on your back and your jeans are all damp and uncomfortable. that is ALL love, people.

 

it is also love to sit in the hot sun all day just so you can hang out with said sister. and to cancel your hair cut so you can stay and watch another game. also, i think that going to the store and getting her water in that hot car again counts as love, too. but i would do it all again tomorrow if i could. because it was all worth it when she said, “thanks for coming to my game sissy.” and everyday that we are on this earth together it will be worth it. because how nice is it to know that you have a best friend for the rest of forever? how great does it feel to know that when no one else particularly likes you, and people are telling you that you suck, you have like 3, THREE, three amazing sisters that will be there for you and love you no matter what.

i would go to hell and back (or in this case, fallon) for any of my sisters. the benefits of loving someone and having them always far out weigh the sacrifices that are made. and soon, sacrifices aren’t noticed because they turn into what you actually want to do. you want to drive to fallon on a saturday and love on your sis and embarrass her in front of her friends.

sunday was another great day at the singles ward and a yummy break-the-fast lunch. it was a nap in my dress between the two functions and then a kidnapping by my megan sister to the rib cook-off. the famous, "Nugget, Best-In-The-West, Rib Cook-off." people come from everywhere, people. there are soooo many ribs. you can smell them all cooking for miles upon miles and man--there is nothing like 'em. it is one of thee top reasons why i keep coming back to reno every fall, ha. seriously though.

megan & i ate at texas outlaws. they won first place this year, and it was well deserved. we also enjoyed some delicious fire-roasted corn on the cob & fresh-squeezed (not squoze) lemonade. we sat and reminisced about our first semester at unr when we could barely afford to eat there (a half rack of ribs is usually around $13, a full one about $23, corn: 2 for $7, lemonade: large for $5) but went anyway. oh the good 'ol days.

monday was an extra-long session of boot camp for the holiday. then i got my haircut, finally. and really just had a nice catch-up day before week two of the semester started. thank goodness for holidays! :)

I think that’s the title of a really bad movie about Reno that I have never seen because I heard it was really, terribly awful...

Anyway.

I woke up in Reno on August 22, 2011. And since then, well: I’ve scrubbed down my apartment (I’m talking really deep cleaning, you guys); unpacked; finished all my laundry; washed, vacuumed, and ArmorAll-ed my car; successfully registered for classes last minute—again; stocked my fridge; spent a lot of time with Jen; celebrated Cambria’s birthday; gone to several church activities; met a new best-friend-to-be (JoyceAnn); and successfully made an address change with the missionary so that I have received “letters on letters” this week.

Mostly though, I have been thinking a lot. Because I’m pretty much completely different from how I was when left Reno. So coming back is tricky. I’ve learned in one short week that you can’t let go & still hold on. Even a little. I’ve learned that you can’t walk the edge for very long unless you really wanna fall. And I’ve learned that sometimes the past is only the past if you leave it there.

Only sometimes it isn’t your choice. And sometimes your past comes back and bites you. Sometimes it stops you from taking a course in your life that you really wanted to take—like maybe going on a mission. And the answer is, “no.” That’s when your past is fresh in your mind. And your guilt is hammered into your heart once again. And the tears fall freely down your cheeks. And you remember again how truly sorry you are. And how bad you wish you could take it all back, but you can’t. And you wish you could call that missionary, but you can’t. And you wish you could just start over, but you can’t. 


The only thing you can do is stand up, wipe your eyes, turn around, and walk. And keep walking. And maybe even run. You can leave that past far, far, far away from your present. You can keep growing. You can keep moving forward. You can pray. You can read that amazing book. You can be a missionary here. But really, the only thing you can do is just try to be better than your past.